MARVELous Movies

With the recent successes of superhero movies like “Black Panther,” “Thor: Ragnarok” and “Logan.” It appears that studios and directors figured out how to make superhero movies that are also good without having to throw in the stipulation that they are “good… for a Marvel movie.”

Now that these superhero films are becoming more of genre films or more like a prestige drama, I’m going to make a list of possible movies that could be made in the future. Here are their elevator pitches:

Stark — Tony Stark gets older and finds out he had a daughter years before the first Iron Man movie and now has to start raising her. By the end of the film, he becomes nicer and eventually lets her take over in the suit.

The Shape of Swampwater — Swamp Thing (an amphibious humanoid superhero in the Aquaman universe) falls in love with a normal human and they live happily ever after.

Good Hulk Hunting — Bruce Banner returns to earth and tries to stay undercover by working as a janitor at Harvard. But he can’t help but show off his big brain which leads to the army trying to hunt him down to make him a weapon. While avoiding the military, he meets a psychiatrist who helps the Hulk become more human by repeating, “It’s not your fault” as the green monster cries. The only issue is that the Hulk no longer wants to fight after this movie and becomes virtually useless to the Avengers. We also discover Hulk’s last name is “Hunting.”

Bourne: Clint Barton — Clint Barton, wakes up from a coma unable to remember who he is, but realizes he has incredible fighting and strategic instincts. Throughout the movie, he decides to become Hawkeye and take down the same people who designed him and Jason Bourne. It’s simultaneously a prequel to The Avengers and a sequel to the underrated Bourne: Legacy joining the two cinematic universes.

Nic Cage’s so-bad-it’s-good-movie — The first thing I thought about when I thought about writing these brief synopses was, “What would the Nic Cage superhero movie look like?” So I imagined a character where Cage played a daredevil that becomes an anti-hero superpowered person that also contends with magic and the devil. That’s the only way it could be as over-the-top as him. Wait. They made that movie (“Ghost Rider”)? You mean they made two of them?

Ocean’s and Ant Man’s 14 — Danny Ocean joins Ant Man for another heist, except this time he decides to steal all of the stuff out of the Avengers’ headquarters, like old Iron Man suits.

Peter Parker’s Day Off — Peter Parker decides to take advantage of his powers to cut class for a day. Hilarity ensues as the arachnid-kid decides to steal the fancy Iron-Spider Man suit from Tony Stark and take it for a joy ride with his best friend, Ned.

The Phantom’s Thread — The Phantom is a superhero most famous for being the first figure to wear a skin-tight super suit and mask that hid his pupils. That is now something basically every hero wears. This movie is about The Phantom’s obsessive sewing and creation of his special skintight suit eventually inspiring Under Armor.

I, Harley — Margot Robbie reprises her role as Harley Quinn, but this time it shows the life she led as a dominant child figure skater before becoming the psychiatrist that the Joker turned into his crazy girlfriend. This origin story explains why Harley ran into the arms of a madman and turned crazy.

The Life Aquatic with Arthur Curry — Arthur Curry, Aquaman’s secret identity, spends his life trolling about the oceans trying to make fancy oceanographic documentaries. None of them are successful though because he uses nothing but GoPros that affluent kids accidentally drop while wake-boarding at the bottom of the sea. He deals with the existential crisis of being a failed artist throughout most of the picture, but, in the end, he shows a film that everyone loves for its rawness.

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